Blissful Uncertainty

I was slightly apprehensive about the fact that I have absolutely no clue what I will be doing after I graduate from the University. Until i talked with my friend today.

He's got it all planned out. He has an internship with a large pharmaceutical company that will offer him a desk job at the end of September if all goes well. He will be paid well. Paid to take a desk job. Paid to work in a cubicle. Paid to sell a few of his dreams...

In exchange, he will have the means to provide for the family that he is on the verge of building. He chooses a family over his dreams.

I sincerely believe one does not have to choose between the two.

My body, my mind, and my soul were not formed and created in such a way that they fit in the 6' by 6' box in an office. My soul will not be content with paperwork. My body is not challenged by sitting in front of a computer for tireless hours. My mind does not blossom in the atmosphere of the 8-5 workweek.

So I will savor the uncertainty of adventure that currently rules my life in favor of fretting over a stability that i don't yet desire.

Some might call it 'living my freedom'. I will say that I am enjoying my liberty from the monotany and hum-drum of the predictable. I taste each bite as it comes, not knowing what flavor to expect next, but knowing only that it will be different from the last, and that there's a good possibility that I will like it.

If my life ever becomes predictable, please intervene.

Lost Luggage

And as an exclamation point in this chapter of my life that has just ended, my luggage has decided it liked the dry heat of Texas so much... it decided to stay. And so I am now without my contact solution, toothbrush, clean clothes, and almost everything else i used to survive these past 5 months. I am left with the clothes on my back, my guitar, and this computer which i am using to write this very blog in my hotel room at one o'clock in the morning.

So now what? I am forced to survive without the things which i was so accustomed to living with these past 5 months. Forced to live without a good number of things one might deem necessary for life. To live without a good number of things which had become... comfortable. Some things are replaceable... others however are unique and simply impossible to find anything remotely similar here in the United States. So I will seek to do my best to fill gaping holes.

Tomorrow I should get my luggage back. I will still have large holes to fill.

Mobile

It's almost here again. That day that i hate above all other days. "Moving Day".

First the positives however, because there are some.

I am mobile. I have proven to myself time and time again that i can pack up everything i own and fit it into a car, drive myself across the country for 24 hours, transplant my life there for months and be perfectly happy.

I am mobile. I have proven to myself that i can survive on only those items that will fit into two suitcases, and that in another country, another culture, another language. And i do not require a mobile phone to survive.

I am mobile. I have few things that tie me to my 'home', rather, the place where my parents now live, not at all the place where i grew up. I have not yet in my life felt the the feeling that i am 'homesick'... and a nagging question in the back of my mind wants to ask if that's because that idea of home has slipped away for awhile, to return when i build my own life, my own family, my own home.

But i am mobile. I do not stay in the same place for more than 6 months at a time, and i haven't had my roots in one place for the past 4 years of life. 4 years is a good amount of time.

I hate goodbye's. This lifestyle is not conducive to avoiding them, in fact it produces a lot of them. Parents, aunts, uncles, sister, brother, grandparents, good friends, old friends, best friends, new friends, friends i'll see again, some that i won't ( and i am yet to know the difference), those i'll be happy to see again but won't, those i don't want to see again but will, true friends, faithful friends, passers-by, a lover.

Each touches my life in such a way, howesoever small, that i cannot help but become a different person. I am constantly changing, taking pieces from the people around me, so that the next person i meet will meet someone new.

I am mobile. It has spelled the death of romance time and time again, before or after it's begun. It has been the overarching theme in a series of relationships that will leave me wanting.

It's almost time again. And from my experience, i can tell you that i will be just fine. I don't cry. I don't even regret the leaving. I am such a person that can be happy wherever i might be. However... i am left with that sensation of longing. Longing for the home that i have yet to build.