Mobile

It's almost here again. That day that i hate above all other days. "Moving Day".

First the positives however, because there are some.

I am mobile. I have proven to myself time and time again that i can pack up everything i own and fit it into a car, drive myself across the country for 24 hours, transplant my life there for months and be perfectly happy.

I am mobile. I have proven to myself that i can survive on only those items that will fit into two suitcases, and that in another country, another culture, another language. And i do not require a mobile phone to survive.

I am mobile. I have few things that tie me to my 'home', rather, the place where my parents now live, not at all the place where i grew up. I have not yet in my life felt the the feeling that i am 'homesick'... and a nagging question in the back of my mind wants to ask if that's because that idea of home has slipped away for awhile, to return when i build my own life, my own family, my own home.

But i am mobile. I do not stay in the same place for more than 6 months at a time, and i haven't had my roots in one place for the past 4 years of life. 4 years is a good amount of time.

I hate goodbye's. This lifestyle is not conducive to avoiding them, in fact it produces a lot of them. Parents, aunts, uncles, sister, brother, grandparents, good friends, old friends, best friends, new friends, friends i'll see again, some that i won't ( and i am yet to know the difference), those i'll be happy to see again but won't, those i don't want to see again but will, true friends, faithful friends, passers-by, a lover.

Each touches my life in such a way, howesoever small, that i cannot help but become a different person. I am constantly changing, taking pieces from the people around me, so that the next person i meet will meet someone new.

I am mobile. It has spelled the death of romance time and time again, before or after it's begun. It has been the overarching theme in a series of relationships that will leave me wanting.

It's almost time again. And from my experience, i can tell you that i will be just fine. I don't cry. I don't even regret the leaving. I am such a person that can be happy wherever i might be. However... i am left with that sensation of longing. Longing for the home that i have yet to build.